The Magic of the Three Week Window

There's something about my relationships. I'm using the term relationship incredibly loosely here. As you can guess from the title of this blog, it's been awhile since I've been in what Webster, or anyone with half a brain, would define as a relationship. In any event, I can't seem to get over the three week mark. They tend to go something like this: meet a guy, have a few fun dates, like guy, guy says he likes me, and guy disappears. And I don't mean just disappears. I mean totally goes MIA. I'm fairly stealth when it comes to tracking people, or information, down. So to be clear I mean totally off the grid. (You say stalkerish. I say stealth. Let's agree on my version so we both don't look foolish, ok?) 

I know what any women reading this are thinking. Maybe he lost my number? Maybe he lost his phone? Maybe he lost his phone, his computer, his laptop and the ability to connect to the Internet completely? Maybe his grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle/second cousin twice removed died and he had to fly to the funeral suddenly? Maybe he died? Maybe he's currently lying in a ditch somewhere? Maybe he was shipped off to war?

I've thought these things too. None of them are true. Here's why:
1. It's not 1940s. If he was going to war, I'd likely know after three weeks about his involvement in the military.
2. If he was dead in a ditch it would have been on the news. He's not in a ditch.
3. If he had to fly to a funeral he could call from the cab on the way to the airport.
4. He has a job and could contact me from there. (Ok. So not all of the guys I've been out with have jobs but most do.)
5. Unless he went to Mexico and had too much tequila, he did not lose his phone. This sounds amazingly like personal experience because it did happen to me recently. So the likelihood of it happening to him as well is slim to none.
6. He didn't lose my number. He deleted. There's a difference.  

The fact is it's like that incredibly inspiring book of relationship advice says "He's Just Not That Into You", or in this case me. But why do they all last three weeks?

Studies have shown that after 21 days (aka three weeks) something becomes a habit. Don't ask me to give you sources. This isn't an academic paper it’s a blog about my single life. Just trust me.

So my new theory is that when men approach the three week mark they start to get that tight in the chest feeling. That shortness of breath feeling. That sweet Jesus I'm having a heart attack feeling. And they think they're dying. That's fair. After all the Heart and Stroke Foundation has done a really good job of promoting warning signs. Note: If you don’t know the warning signs of a heart attack or stroke go check out the Heart and Stroke Foundation. Do it now. I’ll wait. I don’t want to be responsible for your death.

Now that we all know the warning signs, we know this isn’t a heart attack. This is a guy realizing that something is potentially getting more serious than he wants and him freaking out. I’m assuming he thinks that you’ll want to talk about feelings now. You’ll want to talk about where this is going. And you’ll want to talk about all those other things that no one actually wants to talk about except two girls who make us all look like emotional loose cannons. Thanks for that girls.

If you’re anything like me you’re left wondering WTF!? You think I made it perfectly clear that I don’t want anything serious. That yes I like him, but we’re just getting to know each other and enjoying our time together. So what does he have to freak out over? At least that what I wonder.

The fact is I don’t really have an answer to any of this. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this blog. I’d be writing one called My super awesome relationship and how you can have one too. But no one would read that blog because let’s be honest here, reading about people’s success is far less fun than reading about their failure. Also that blog title sounds like the author is a smug asshole.

So what can you take away from this? Well, if he bails three weeks in or three years in, he’s just not that into you. Sometimes it really is that simple. Also, now you know the difference between freaking out and a heart attack.  You’re welcome.